Politically Correct News

All the news that is fit to print

Youth Group finds family in need of help

Yesterday a youth Group on regular patrol discovered a family that was not politically correct hiding in their basement. The youth group became suspicious when they spotted a coupon page from the local newspaper that was not cut up sitting in the recycle bin. After further investigation by the Youth Group they discovered lights on in unoccupied rooms adding to the concern that the family was not being politically correct by wasting energy and resources.  The local politically correct enforcement officer was called and the family of four was arrested and taken to a training facility for 14 days of retraining. Each member of the youth group received 4 merits as there were 4 people in the family. The merits can be later applied to their personal PC ranking to show their status in the community.


Ministry compromises with the Catholic Church

The Ministry of Political Correctness has made a compromise with the Catholic Church. The ministry has decided to ban the Catholic Church from use of the media. The move came because frequently the Catholic Church says things that are politically incorrect. The ban option was chosen out of respect for the Church as they have been around longer than the Ministry. The other option would have been to arrest the Pope and send him to a training facility.  This move was applauded by rights groups as the politically correct thing to do.


History edits continue

The editing of text continues to be politically correct. As the ministry oversees the rewiring of history removing phrases that may be upsetting and replacing them with a politically correct phrases, people feel comforted that the Ministry is working remove upsetting things from their lives. The decision to ignore the language of the era remains controversial to some. However after taking people who had concerns to a political correctness training facility to discuss their issues with them, the number of concerned people continues to be reduced. The 500 terabyte mark was passed recently and the Ministry can say comfortably the project will be finished in the next 7 years.


New guidelines ready

The Ministry of Political Correctness has released the new guidelines amending the standard. This move was welcome as some people express discomfort in making eye contact and being forced to answer unexpected questions. A copy of the new guidelines is as follows.

Dark Glasses: People will be required to wear dark glasses of sufficient tint to hide their eyes. The reason for this is several people have reported feeling uncomfortable making eye contact with other people. Failure to do so will result in a 100 credit fine and a mandatory 2 days of retraining at a political correctness training facility. Children of 10 and younger will be exempt.

Smiling: Smiling will continue to be prohibited in public places. Failure to avoid smiling will result in a 100 credit fine. Repeat offenders will be required to undergo 5 days of retraining at a political correctness training facility.

Permission to talk: Talking to a person who does not display a permission to talk emblem will result in immediate incarceration and suspension of all privileges. Final outcome will be decided by the Ministry of Political Correctness.

Prohibited words: Use of prohibited words will result in a 500 credit fine per word and 20 hours of retraining at a political correctness training facility.

Employer guidelines: Each employer will be required to file with the Ministry of Political Correctness a copy of their guidelines for political correctness at the work place. Any company who’s guidelines that do not meet the standard of the 2015 Political Correctness Act, will be forced to close until the guidelines are met.

Skin exposure: Exposure of skin below the neck, above the wrist and ankle will be considered Sexual Harassment and subject to the penalties set forth in the 2016 Sexual Conduct Standards.

Makeup: Makeup remains prohibited in public places. The use of unscented white powder is now allowed to offset perspiration as needed.

Media: The Media will be required to present news in Politically Correct format. Any news topic that may offend people will be prohibited. Questionable topics may be submitted to the Ministry of Political Correctness for review and edit.

Text: Accessing text that has not been rewritten or approved By the Ministry of Political Correctness is prohibited. Anyone caught accessing unapproved text is subject to mandatory incarceration of a period not less than 1 year or more than 3 years.

Displays: Displaying of signs that depict images or text must first be approved by the Ministry of Political Correctness. Failure to do so will result in a 1500 credit fine and 25 days of retraining at a political correctness training facility.

Raw exposure training: Training and certification for exposure to raw non politically correct content will end July 1. This will be replaced with medication prescribed by a certified Ministry of Political Correctness Psychiatrists as a cost saving measure.

The new guidelines do not replace any pre-established guidelines set forth in previous publications by the Ministry of Political Correctness. Any questions or concerns may be sent to the ministry via email using Adobe politically correct text filter version 3.4 or higher. The email address can be found on the Ministry’s website.


Removal of an icon of yesterday

The ministry of Political Correctness gave the go ahead to remove and demolish the Vietnam War Memorial. People were upset that so many people had suffered post traumatic stress disorder as a result of the war, people felt removing the reminder would help ease their pain.  The site of the war memorial will be replaced with flowers and southing music from speakers hidden in the flowers.


Escapee captured

A 21 year old man was caught trying to escape from training facility #262. He was recaptured after being stopped by guard dogs 200 yards from the outer fence. After the capture he was interviewed in the training facility's infirmary, however we are unable to print what he said because of excessive use of prohibited words. He was 7 days into a 30 day retraining program for improper eye contact with several women while walking down a public street. He will now need to have his case brought before the board to decided how to proceed.


Warehouse worker cited as hero

A warehouse worker in Liberty Kentucky discovered 1600 copies of the banned publication "The go-go dancer who stole my Viagra" by Dean Barrett. apparently the pallet of books was accidentally mixed in with the governments best seller publication of "Happiness is being politically correct" as both books are about the same size and color. The fugitive Dean Barrett remains at large and is believed to be hiding in Southeast Asia. He faces charges of making people smile in public and is sought by the Ministry of Political Correctness. The warehouse worker who wishes to remain unnamed was awarded 1600 merit points and that is more than enough to raise his PC ranking 2 points. The 1600 books will be sent to a government cleansing facility where the books will be shredded, bleached and the paper returned for circulation.


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